The Liking Gap

27 Oct 2023

I’ve been reading a book lately called Platonic (shout out to the Boston Public Library’s discover section).

There is this concept in it that I found rather insightful: the “liking gap”.

The “liking gap” is the concept that how much we perceive someone likes us is usually an underestimate of how much they actually do.

This can be translated into a number of scenarios.

For me, I’ve used this when chatting to people at events – I assume they’d like to chat and are open to connection.

I approach them, say hello and introduce myself, and ask a question.

Most recently I was at a Bahamas concert and noticed a few people next to me.

They weren’t initiating, so I remembered what I read about the liking gap. So, I initiated and we connected over our love of the band and chatted about their new album – it was a great connection!

Another recent connection is a friend I’ve been emailing back and forth with after finding their blog. I was interested in their story, and felt I could maybe offer some advice for their situation. It’s been fun so far to encourage them to start a project and to also reflect on how much I’ve grown with my technical knowledge from my own projects.

The best part of all this is that it is repeatable and practicable. I can do it whenever, wherever, make new connections, meet new people, learn about them and their world and maybe, just maybe, foster a new friendship.